ok so i suppose i have totally changed my life recently. im happy. there's a part of me that longs for the normalcy i once knew, but all in all things are going really well. i've quit smoking, im eating healthier, i actually get up before noon and things just seem worth doing. nathan is fully potty trained, he's going to bed at 7 pm every night like a normal child and he'll soon be starting school. i'd like to say that it was all my doing, but it really wasn't. i had a lot of help. rawr! haha my new bf, sam, and his family are awesomely wonderful people. i'm so glad i came to new york. i do miss all of my friends back home and my ex bf's family, though (and grudgingly him as well...he was a great friend, always made me laugh. i miss being friends with him. how pathetic and new aged is that? haha)
that being said, i still have to get nathan back down to see the other side of his family. that's the only thing that's been weighing on my mind lately. well, that and the fact that it's almost impossible to breathe in new york state without picture id and they seriously don't want to give it to you. haha took me like 6 1/2 weeks to get to where i can legally drive, buy wine occasionally, and start my job. just insanity. that and my unbelievably shocking and freaking frightening trip to the hospital last week are the some of the most exciting things that have happened in my life for some time. thinking your throat is going to close up and you could die any minute rally makes you think lol.
i'm sickeningly happy with sam, though. we're the kind of couple that make people walk past them on the street and just say "bleck...ffs stop being so happy". well, ive done that to people like us on occasion...or at least ive thought it. lol i still worry about being so much older than him. i know its silly because he's told me that age is just a number but i have nightmares where i wake up...i look 50 and he's just like TOTALLY not interested in me anymore. in all fairness ive had those nightmares in almost every relationship ive ever been in though...so i guess its just normal--or part of some neurosis i have (yay)
i miss the cicadas (or however you spell it) you know the bugs in summer that make that horrible racket in the south? well, i've been having trouble getting to sleep and i kept thinking "wtf is wrong with me???" and thats what it is! its too quiet for this time of year!!! im terrified of the snow storms also. but, that too shall pass i guess when i get used to it. i wish i had someone up here thats from the south to kind of walk me through all of this though. as cold natured as i am im scared i may not survive the winter haha!
alrighty, i need to get going. how is everyone? drop me a comment and let me know that you even still read this rubbish journal haha!!! going to do some catch up on reading everyone else's and find out whats going on with YOU GUYS!! EXCITING!!!!!
more later ~me~
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